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sadness
11.14.06 (8:57 am)   [edit]
wow its been a few.....years?...lol....well i have a boyfriend now...and shitty deal.. i just found out that he has Z.E.S....its a disease.. its not an STD. its where u get tumors in your pancreas and they produce this stuff called called gastrin which causes tiny ulcers in your small intestine...and the tumors are cancerous....so im like freaking out right now....and im super sad. i just wanna see him but i cant cuz i have a million things to do...why!!!!!!!! this isnt fair...i finally fall in love and he has a very good chance of having cancer....im supposed to be studying for a test right now but all i can do is think about him...i just wanna spen all my free time with him...i dont even think he knows how serious this is...well anyway i should try to study....i have a test in 20 min..*crying* ~Meg~
 
...
03.25.06 (10:44 pm)   [edit]
hey this is a great place to vent cuz no one even comes here. well i miss highschool and im on a long trip down memory lane and ive been crying all day. so fuck the world and i wanna die right now...
 
fuck dammit
12.14.05 (10:57 am)   [edit]
fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck.....yeah that\'s right....so i am stranded in brockville till my dad gets into town.....i have no money the guy that i have liked for 2 years is completly not interested at all, im not doing so well in school and my parents hate me......ya....well they don\'t hate me but they\'re mad at me for something that i dont know....ya it has been quite the shitty day....oh i got my g2...but i still cant drive cuz im broke and i still need the insurance and shit on my car....ya im fuckin screwed....so i get to go home and hear my dad yell and scream at me for 3 hours about how irresponsible i am and how i make stupid decisions all the time....so im in teh library right now rying to kill time brfore my dad gets back intop town. so yeah....im poor and lonely and my parents are gonna kill me.....lol so anyway...so ya i wanna go home but i cant.... so ya im gonna go now bye bitches
 
hidy ho
10.04.05 (3:32 am)   [edit]

hello everyone...i know you don't read my blog but anyways....im in college now...wierd eh?....ya so im bored trying to kill some time before this trip ti kingston at 12:30pm.....wahoo...i htionk im gonna go to the mall...ill ttyl


~Meg~

 
Chizillin'
08.05.05 (9:58 am)   [edit]

yo yo yo what is up in the hizzouse??...just chillaxin' at my pops bureau on his comp. word to your mothers chest hair!!! bamm!....lol im such a loser! i am not a wigger. i absolutly hate wiggers they all need to be shot. now. in the head... BOOM!...hahaha.... sorry three too many iced caps...in an hour.....i know im crazy but its fuckin hot outside....i feel so alone...im in dirty old cornwall and this office smells like doo doo...mixed with motor oil and buckley's....don't ask it's nausiating....* blegh*. any who...i just went shopping...i have to go to this wedding thingy tomorrow...well they're already married so technically its not a wedding but its some sort of .......uhh.....lunchin!! hahaha that's the word...i rock my invisible sox. and its gonna be 35 degrees with the humidity so i had the challenge of finding a nice top that wasn't sluty but wouldn't make me sweat buckets in a mall that had some nice stores with tonnes of clothes that i wanted but of course nothing i tried on would fit me. i am kind of a big girl but im well porportioned so it's usually not that hard to find clothes that fit properly but today it was impossible....every store usually has sizes extra small to extra large well wouldn't you know it that their sizes only went up to medium...you found the occasional large shirt but they were hidious or they were thick heavy sweaters. i know some people would say " well maybe you should lose weight" i know i probably should but im pretty content with the way that i am so...how do i put this...umm....screw you...and you mom. so any way i came to this town cuz its twice the size of shitty old brockville so one would assume that the clothing selection would be a fair bit better. well not here!!! you can get clothes that fit you here but thay are fuckin ugly and are made for 60 year -old women. im 17....not 60...finding clothes in brockville is a lot easier....word to the wise....if you are any bigger than and medium or large and actually want to dress appropiately for your body type DO NOT come to cornwall. yes thay have nice clothes but apparently bigger people aren't allowed to be trendy like skinny people.


~Meg~


p.s- holy fuck that is the ditsy-est i have ever sounded in my entire life. but is really frustrating.

 
*sigh*
07.06.05 (6:13 pm)   [edit]

so hidy ho people of the internet world.i hope that you are good cuz my life fuckin sux....i have to go to college in september and i am terrified...i WILL be lonely for ever...i just realized that....i can get my G2 at the end of sept......i hope.....i have absolutly no life what so ever...its summer and im camping with my parets al most every weekend....some one shoot me i've had enough family shit.....


~Meg~

 
?
03.28.05 (5:49 pm)   [edit]

so ya....not much has happened in meaghan world.....except that i got a car but i still can't drive it on my own yet so that sux. im bored and it's the last night of easter weekend......time goes by too quickly....it seems like yesterday that me and jaida were in grade 10 trying to be skater chicks skateboarding up and down my drive way listening to goldfinger....fuck...i wish i could go back to grade 10....that was the best time ever....i had so much fun. now i sorta just feel lost....i mean most of the time im so caught up in trying to be the way my parents and friends want me to be that i forgot who i really am and i can't seem to find that person anymore...well i have to try to sleep. bye.


~Meg~

 
away for another day
01.16.05 (2:44 pm)   [edit]

so i finally talked my dad into letting me stay another night at my moms. he's such an idiot. anyways i don't know why but i feel crappy. there's no reason for it it's just how i feel. im starting to get the feeling when some someones backstabbing you. i don't know if anyone is right now but if they are then i hate you. you need to be shot and kicked in the face.


rugby started again...not that anyone cares but me. more exercise.so this feeling is really starting to bug me. a lot. i want to know if someone is doing some that's going to hurt me. anyways....i guess ill have to deal with either way. i wanna do something. i've been doing nothing all weekend and i feel lazy.


i ment for this blog to be a long one but uhh it's not turning out that way so later


~Meg~

 
alone
01.15.05 (6:27 pm)   [edit]

i'm home alone babysitting my younger siblings while my friends are having fun. i want to move back in with my mom. i just don't know how to tell everyone. i can't tell my dad cuz he's been in a good mood lately and if i tell my mom i'm gonna get her all excited . and that would suck because if i am gonna stay with my dad then it would break her heart...again.my dad thinks that im not ready for college in september.which pisses me off cuz i wanna get out of that damn house. i hate it there. he always makes me feel like a worthless sack of shit even when he's not talking to me. he just looks at me like a thing.like im some burden that he has to live with and has no choice.not to mention he's always bad-mouthing my mom. i hate it. then when he tries to explain why he doesn't think im ready for college all he says is i know you like a book. and he doesn't. i don't tell him anything cuz he would just yell at me for complaining. i think that he just keeps me around so that he can take his anger out on me so he doesn't have blame himself for his pathetic little life.


~Meg~

 
happy x-mas
12.03.04 (12:50 pm)   [edit]

hello im in a super good modd and i dont know why.....lol....ive got a lovely bunch of coconuts deedely deedely there they are a standing in a row bum bum bum big ones small ones some as big as your head and i cant remember the rest of the son....im a nut bag i am i am....im gonna shut up now omg christmas is coming...weeeee i love christmas....its awsome....yay...william h macy is a very ugly man.... poor fucker.....he looks like a mouse....holy shit 2 weeks and christmas holidays...Yay...i love xmas holidays...no school for 2 weeks...i hate school ok im gonna go now bye!


~Meg~

 
bitchyness
11.18.04 (5:04 am)   [edit]

fuck. fuck everything. don't you hate when people who are supposed to be you friends ignore you. or when your with one of them and your having a super dooper time and then one of your other friends comes along and they're all "chummy" and your sitting there....alone. it sux cuz the only reason that you're there is so that they can make fun of you right infront of your face. then they try to make it sound sarcastic but you know that they really mean it.assholes. everyone is an asshole. you try and try to be as nice as you can so that everyone will like you,i know that's not possible,  or at least not hate you. i dont care if people don't really like me very much it's when they try to hide it and make me think that they still like me. i always fell like a last resort. or like people are being nice to me cuz they feel sorry for me. more assholes. everyone. you're all assholes.fuck you.


~Meg~ 

 
holy crap
11.08.04 (5:20 am)   [edit]

holy crap its been awhile.


not much has happened in the Meaghan world. my Dads an asshole as ususal. You know like nit-picking at stupid little things that make no sense what so ever. I went to go see 'The Grudge' with Masterloafer yesterday...I think it's safe to say it scared us shitless. I don't know about her but I haven't seen a movie that scared me that much since....uhh......I was 12 and saw the 'Exorsist'...and then that movie kinda bacame funny. The grudge is one of those jumpy movies...it's good. It's just so scarey that when you scream or whatever you do when your scared all you can do is laugh at yourself cuz you finally realize how stupid you look/sound. ya . I'm very bored in my history class "doing reasearch".....:)....i hate this class.It's so boring and it feels like I've been sitting here for hours when it's only been 1/2 an hour....ya anyways i should go and do some work.


~Meaghan~

 
im am so bored
08.20.04 (12:07 pm)   [edit]

hello. im back from thunderbay and happy to be home but i not really happy. schools starts in 2 weeks and im really only looking forward to see my friends again. im am going to be in grade 12 and its gonna be great i guess except for the fact that it's my last year and this means that i have to go to college and actually grow up. which is something i don't know how to do. i still feel like a little kid all the time but then again it doesn't help that i have 3 younger siblings and the only people around both of my houses are way younger than me and don't understand anything...i just sat in my room and stared at the celing for 2 hours and all i could think was why does my family hate me....they're probably holding a grudge cuz i moved in with my dad and i wish they would just drop it....it also doesn't help that i wanna move back in with my mom....but i can't...i will live in complete misery with my dad as long as my mom doesn't win...see if i move back in than she'll say i told ya so and she won't let it down...i need to do something......right now...like something crazy but there's nothing to do...well i gtg


~Meg~

 
crappy vacation
08.08.04 (10:38 am)   [edit]

 :cry: im in thunderbay and im bored out of my mind. i've been here for a week and this is the first time that i've been on the computer.......well im not exactly in thunderbay...im 1/2 an hour away from the actual city so im stuck in the middle of nowhere.......and im 18 hours away from home....i hate it here.....this place is really dirty and it smells like wet dog and rotton eggs.....its really gross and the people keep trying to make me eat all the time...like at 11:00 at night they keep asking me if i want some more of what ever we had for supper that night....the first night we were here we hade spaghetti and meatballs....sounds good right?....WRONG!!!! it was really gross and not to mention that was our supper for the first 3 nights we were here...ok ill shut up now


~Meg~

 
...
07.22.04 (7:25 pm)   [edit]
hello again...wow it's been over a month since ive checked this thing...umm thanx for those comments on my last blog....that really means a lot to me to know that there are people who care.....when i think about killing myself i do know that there are people who will be devistated and upset.....thats probably why i'm still alive...it just gets really frustrating when you try so hard to do htings and someone else comes along and does it better without trying....especially when u think your actually doing well and you're happy then BOOM!!!! you get shot down.....ya i'll shut up and stop talking...im sure it gets annoying to the people with perfect lives who think that im a freak and make my life a living hell
~Meg~
 
fuck the world
06.14.04 (12:12 pm)   [edit]
wow you have no idea how much i wan't to just die right now!!!! i hate being alive....i want to die...there's a bunch of ways i could kill myself....but i wont cuz if it doesn't work than my parents will send me to the psyche and i will be miserable for the rest of my life....even though i already am....life doesn't make any sense....we work our asses off and then we die....there is no point to human life...we fall in love and get hurt and we try to do our best and get shutdown...i don't understand!!!! it makes no fucking sense...I might as well end it now.....i mean why suffer?....

Everyone seems to be better than me....i'll try my best at something and then someone else comes along and does it better with out even trying...it's not fair...why does everything suck so much......

i mean i had to put my dog down a few days ago....she was 19...she's been there my entire life and now she's gone....she was my best friends for the better part of my life...when i moved to commonwealth in grade 3 i had no friends for like 3 years so my dog was my only friend....i know im a loser but hey...it's not my fault no one liked me....it's so wierd with her not being there....it's just like holy fuck she's gone!!......im used to coming home to K.C (my dog) and her being so happy to see me and my dad and now i come home to an empty house..... not to mention that i was in the room when she died...i just stood there and watched her die...it was horrible.....i was so shocked i didn't even cry i just stood there and stared at her...on the table...dead.....
~Meg~
 
sudden burst of depression
05.26.04 (5:29 am)   [edit]
wow i just got this sudden burst of depression......im so bored...i threw my back out last night and if it wasn't for this tylonol 3 i would be in pain....you know what's wierd....every time i wake up in a good mood i have a shitty day...and every time i wake up in a bad mood i have an exceptional day....i mean it's not horrible but its bot great...i don't understand...me and Aleatha made a vanilla cake with chocolate chips and chocolate icing last night..the icing was kind of wierd but it wasn't that bad......

i have to pesent a project in fashion today...maybe..it all depends on who the teacher picks to go today..but with my luck im probably going to go today which sux cuz im not finished yet and i have to get up there by myself...i can't do that i end up mumbling and fidgiting and i always look down and then i start to shake....well it's more of a trembling....

*sigh*i really want to just go home and sit inmy dark room and listen to the quiet pitter patter of rain falling on my roof...it's soothing....it's nice out today...it's not too hot or too cold there's no sun and it's dark....i hope we get a thunder storm...

ya i know im a freak...well i have pink hair in case u don't already know...it's fun i guess....i get to go see my mom this weekend...*sarcastically* yay!!!!....every time i go there im usually in a bad mood and i find myself trying to act happy 10 seconds before i walk in the door so my mom doesn't worry.....aparently i've changed a lot since christmas and "i seem soooo much happier" according to my mom...and "everything looks as if it's getting better"...i think that my mom is blinded by what she wants to see...if she would look harder or actually payed attention to me she would see a troubled 16 year girl trapped and screaming inside.
~Meg~
 
hmmm
05.17.04 (7:19 am)   [edit]
hello again sorry it's been so long...umm not much has ghappened my hair os now pink and black..fun fun...meh im in a very "meh" mood...ya i have a rugby game today and i get to leave at 1:30pm...yay i get out of school!! don't u hate it when someone is mad at you for something they did...ya it's partly your fault but they were the one who actually did it....oh well it will pass..so how is everyone? i hope they're good. i went to kingstonon saturday for some new clothes...finally it's only been what a year since i've had new clothes....jeese you can't really getmuch for $240...i only got 2 pairs of pants and 4 t-shirts...oh well that better than nothing...

i have to go assembly...l8a
~Meg~
 
tee hee
04.22.04 (7:32 am)   [edit]
my friends are losers
 
trapped
04.22.04 (6:57 am)   [edit]
hello im very tired and sore from rugby...my dad's being an asshole again....do you ever feel like everyone is growing up and taking that one step forward and your stuck in this glass box that only lets u walk backwards?....well that's exactly what my life is like....it seems like everyone knows what they want to do...or what their interested in or even good at....im not good at.......anything....woop deee doo i can play the piano a little bit and ya the odd time i can make people laugh...but how the fuck is that an occupation...i don't have the patients to be a piano teacher and i'm not funny enough to be a comedian.....some of my friends want to be psychologists, social workers, doctors, lawyers.....or something great like that and then there's me...im failing probably one of the easiest classes i've ever had in my entire life cuz im lazy and don't want to do the assignments...then my dad just nit picks at every little thing i do wrong which is VERY annoying and then he lays that fuckin guilt trip on me for "not helping out enough"......or for being irresponsible...stupid fucker im probably more responsible than he'll ever be!!!!! im am way smarter than him...he only has a grade 10 education... he has a good job but we all know that grade 10 back in the late 60's is equivillent to what we learned in grade 7.....and then there's my mom...who thinks ive changed sooooo much and that im sooo responsible and nice and polite now......but the silly woman is blinded by what she wants to see.....if she would pay attention more often than she would see a troubled 16 year old girl trapped in a glass box.
~Meg~
 
blah...
04.19.04 (7:25 am)   [edit]
ya im at school again.....lol im in my fashion class and im supposed to be researching the 1930's era for fashions but im bored so ya.....well i have an exhibition game tomorrow in rugby....it's not exactly a game persay its more like 3 little games to teach people how to play...meh all i know is that i get out of school for the whole day..weeeeeee :D lol......im pretty freakin tired...never take tylonol 3 before you go to school....that's some good shit tho...my back hurt when i woke up today and now im fine.....until tomorrow...then it will hurt again and then i'll be doin this all over again...yay for being tired..ok ok...now im off in my own little world.....u know what...persay is a funny word...i kinda sound like one of those snobby rich people..so i'll shut up now....

so how are people today.....nobody ever coments on my things very much...i know im boring but ya...sya something...plz.....ok im gonna go now..l8a
~Meg~
 
shitty
04.16.04 (9:09 am)   [edit]
ya this has been the shittyist wekk ever!!!! i have to catch up on so mich suff in 3 classes and a few people in onw of my classes just ditched me on our ISP period....sweet.... and my dads being an asshole....it seems like he "never does anything wrong".....u know stupid things like if his shampoo is almost gone it's automatically my fault, or if the orange juice is gone it's automaticaly my fault again...cuz u know he's sooooo perfect!!! what an asshole....i hate living there but i cant move back in with my mom cuz that means she'll win and i can't let her win.....oh and im really pissed of and my self....i don't understand how dieting and working out 4 days a week since febuary makes u gain wieght?....it doesn't make any sense....ya so im really pissed about that...it's not fair....there is seriously no point in life...think about u eat sleep and shit every day while working your ass off trying to become a doctor or a lawyer and then u die....i mean u work soooo hard and along the way u get stressed and and angry and your life doesn't turn out the way u wanted it to so u try to make it better and it doesn't even make a difference....ya some of u might dis agree but that's my out look on life....i know it's bad and i probably have "psychological problems"......well fuck i laugh at the people that try so hard for nothing...it's pathetic...well i should go...ttul
~Meg~
 
food poisoning
04.08.04 (11:05 am)   [edit]
ya i got food poisoning on sunday....it was gross.puking every hour isnt fun...oh well i'll live and now i have a cold too *sigh* today had to be the slowest day in the world.....im serious i just checke dthe clock oh 3 mins ago and it litterly felt like 10- 15 minutes....i hate these days.....dont u hate it when u get that tingling feeling in your nose just before you sneeze and its stays there all day....ya...im sick of being around people i just want to go home but i cant cuz my dad doesn't work in town and the buses dont go out to where i liveso i have to stay in town till 6 or 7 pm....occasionally i get to go home at 5 tho but still sometimes i just wana go home right after school....this sux....i think i just got $100...i dont know why but i get my own tax return....i dont have a job so it doesnt make sense but hey im not complaining....i need it anyways....well i should go...bye
~Meg~
 
Fuckin Bored
04.02.04 (7:27 am)   [edit]
Ya in at school and my biology teacher is fckin annoying!!!!!! she has the loudest voice ever and thats just her talking voice....so ya i have a headache already and its not even lunch yet....stupid fucker!!!!the computers at the school are very slow and its annoying...i just clicked next page on this website and ive been waiting for 10 mins and its not even done yet!!!

Bah!!! I get my hair cut again tonight..fun fun..ya im bored again...oh dear i have to go to the bathroom...oh well. i really want to go home...i get to do yoga in gym class on monday...yay for yoga!!! fuckin slow computers!!:evil:...ya i need to get about $150 for rugby stuff and school stuff and grrr...ya i think i should go before i get ripped at for not doing work....bye
~Meg~
 
......
03.26.04 (12:55 pm)   [edit]
ya it's 3:42pm and school's been out for an hour and a half.....ya we got those matchmaker things today....aparently im really gross...i was walking down the hall and there was this group of guys in my grade, grade 11, and someonw got me first on their list and they we're like "ewwwww i got Meaghan O'Connor first!!!!" and the rest of them went ewww and other shit like that.......so ya i know what ur gonna say...ur gonna say that they're assholes and i shouldn't worry about what they think......well sorry to be a bitch but fuck off...to find out that you're considered one of the gross people in school fuckin hurts....ya....im not trying to get people to feel sorry for me either....so dont rip me about that....i should go now...
~Meg~